A New Return

After a long hiatus, I have decided to come back to blogging. A lot of factors played parts in this decision, but I'll just mention a thanks to Wulan for unknowingly being the final catalyst of my return to this realm.

So where do I start? I have to start with life. A lot of things happening at the same time at the moment. A lot of things of a lot of different magnitude to a lot of different people. Some good, some bad. But who am I to say what is good what is bad? All I can say is that this is pleasing and that is not so pleasing. Good or bad, I can only say later in retrospect. Suffice to say that everything happens for their own reasons. Be their cause our own doing, or their purpose is our future, only time will tell. The sheer magnitude of these events and happenings are what drove me to write again, to once again open a dam that I thought will never be full ever again. Anyway, here I am again, for better or worse, in this blogosphere.

Last night my parents left back home. At the airport I found myself torn between cold hard reality and a sense of filial duty as an eldest son. I think it's sad when the word Filial is paired with Duty, instead of Love. But, partially at least, that's what I felt last night. Am I supposed to be sad to see my parents go? In the beginning I found myself not so sad. I was sad nonetheless in the end, sad that I'm not all that sad that they left. Is it filial duty to miss one's parents? All emotional complexities aside, I recognize that I do miss the conversations with my dad. Though that's all there is, but it's still something. As they left I uttered a silent prayer, a prayer let on too long by my own uncertainties but summed up in one word: Godspeed.

Today I bought myself a cheapass new pair of sticks, an oval-headed hickory 5A. This pair I hope to use to play in church, to be a filler between my acoustic pair and my round-tipped 3A. I'm gonna give it three gigs. If I can't get the volume under control in three gigs, I'll give in and use a 7A to play in church. I like the feel of a thick stick when I'm playing. Even with this 5A I'm already compromising. I liked the 5B much better, but I thought if I'm gonna get the B I might as well just use my 3A.

Life has taken an interesting turn at the moment. Not just mine, but all around me as well. At the moment I'm just diversifying like crazy. That's one reason I'm starting this again. Either I'm eager or I'm desperate, you be the judge. I'm scrambling all over the place, hoping something I do will lead somewhere solid. My so-far-futile job search, my so-far-dead-end job, this blog, my drumming, Manis Manja Band, my Ember Curhat Ministries, my Advanced-Point-and-Click For Fun Ministries, all in hope that something will lead somewhere. I'm currently operating under the philosophy that I wouldn't know where things will lead to until I start them. So here's hoping one or some of these will catch on.

These are hard times we live in. But in hardship lies opportunity.... somewhere. Adin once said, "In the rushing currents of the river of life, the good news is there is always an island of opportunity. The bad news is, if you miss it you're pretty much screwed." But I need that opportunity. Die quietly or die fighting. I think the choice is a no-brainer.

Today as I was chillin' out with Lucko and throwing random thoughts at each other, he said "There's nothing solid to hold on to but God these days." Unknown to him, I recently re-discovered Creed. So in relation to those two facts, I'll let Scott Stapp has the last word for tonight:

Please come now!
I think I'm falling,
holding on to all I think is safe